Goal #4: Climb Mt St Helens

Where do I begin?? I suppose I can start by crossing "Climb Mt St Helens" off my goal list!

You know what the worst part of a break-up is?... It is the loss of the future.. the loss of plans made. It's not really a secret that I went through a very painful break-up earlier this year. Jon and I had made many plans together... plans that had meaning to me. I can't tell you how painful it was for me to go through my calendar and delete our future.

Not only was Climbing Mt St Helens on my Year of Thirty-One goal list, but it was one of our plans. In the beginning, I had thought, "Fuck it! He isn't going to hold me back! I'm going to go alone!" but my friends and especially the boys didn't want me to. Eventually, a friend of mine offered to go with me. Unfortunately, he couldn't commit to any firm plans, and it was a no-go. I started to think that maybe it just wasn't meant to be, and soon all of the permits for the summer were sold out. About two weeks(?) ago, I had spoken to Jon about the Helens trip. I had wanted to know which trail he had used before and so on. He had mentioned a web site where people would sell permits they weren't going to be able to use. All of last week while I was sick, I thought about how Mt St Helens was the last thing to do on my goal list. How could I not do it?? So I called him on Thursday, asked for a link to the web site he had mentioned before. During the course of the conversation I realized that what I really wanted, was do the climb with him.. so I asked, and he said yes. I'm not sure I understand completely why it was so important that he was the one to go with me... I think it may have had a lot to do with my need for closure... Things fell magically in place from there. He got a sitter for his kids, I traded a day with Eric, and I found a guy with permits for sale.

The climb up the mountain was truly amazing. The view from the top was breathtaking. Finishing off the last goal on my Year of 31 list on the top of a mountain, on a beautiful sunny day,.. it was positively spiritual! Something else happened up there though... I let go of all my "Jon shit." We ran like maniacs all the way down the mountain. The details I am going to keep private, but I will say that the trip brought us healing, understanding, and forgiveness. It was interesting.. we both needed to climb that mountain together.

Closure FTW!